When you feel let down by your parents it can make you question a lot of things which can lead to you giving up on life. After all, they are the ones who are supposed to give you guidance until the end of their time.
There are a few things you can remind yourself when you feel you are reaching breaking point.
They’re doing their best
Morals, times and methodologies of parenting over the course of life changes over different generations. There is no right way to raise a child and in their defence, they are being the best parent they can possible be. The method they’ve used on parenting will always and undoubtedly be subjective to you at times. Maybe the blame isn’t on them but on their parents for setting the expectation and path on how parenting is played out. Again, this is subjective as we are all individuals and should educating ourselves from what is politically correct and strong enough to create or own morals when we reach adulthood.
You can’t change them
Let’s be honest you cannot choose new parents, you can only choose the way you act towards them. The way in which you decide to treat them can either go two ways; in your favour or a facing a lifetime of turbulence. You can either react, which will result in you acting out of character or even making your blood boil. Or, another option is taking the time to learn about their character to gage what it is about what they say or do that pushes your buttons so you can gain control of your reaction.
Practice patience, presenting gratitude for the great things that do or have happened. Remind your parents and yourself of a time where you both shared a memory that really did impact your life for the better. Sometimes stroking their ego can change their behaviour towards you for the better, this way everyone wins.
Be careful with resentment, this can hold you back till the end of your days. The chances of bringing unanswered questions and anger into your time of parenthood, friendships and relationships is very high. We could go as far as emotional instability in your everyday life. Taking things personal all the time only decreases your ability to regain emotional intelligence.
The blame game
He said she said, you did this and not that. It’s easier for most people to find fault in others and it only leads to unresolved matters. Your parents have feelings too and maybe they know they’re wrong. Try not to confront them, this will only make the relationship worse. Instead find a way to voice your opinion by having a face to face conversation with them. This way they will be able to feel your emotions. Get their side of the story, the chances that your parents have told you every part of their life are slim. Listen up they may reveal information which completely pieces together your unanswered questions.
It is easy to imagine or create scenarios that will never happen; like turning back time. Imagine living your life constantly thinking “if I only had different parents or if only my parents put me on a pedestal, embarking me towards a brighter future”.
If only, maybe, or but are phrases which make it clear that it is not what it is supposed to be or will never be. Refrain from putting yourself in that position because it is an unrealistic expectation.
Sometimes your parents are in your lives but in fact truly are not there for you in the way you would like them to be. The harsh reality is they may never be there for you. Some people may tell you that you should get over it which can be an insensitive approach. This can be hard, painful and overwhelming especially when you come to the realisation that getting over it may be your only option.
Unfortunately parental absence exists in some of our lives where we will never get to know or meet our parents. Finding a way to subsidide absence in other people is not the best method of approch but with other people will make that positive dofference. Create memories with other people not so your completly dismissing your curcmstances, but a chane to build something to hold onto that you can look back and be proud of.
On the mend
You may find that parental negligence is something you have in common with other people and associates. The chances are they have not healed yet so venting to them is the wrong move because after all two sick people cannot help each other. Why not make this a priority to address this situation so by speaking with someone who does not personally know you?
If you are having trouble overcoming these hurdles, get on the phone, send an email or write it down. Release it because it’s a step towards your healing stage.
The truth is being a parent comes with multiple challenges. They’re invested emotionally, financially and physically with no days off. They face their own undefeated battles, have numerous insecurities, and go through and have gone through tragedies just like you which they also may have never addressed.
You will always be surrounded by friends and acquaintances, colleagues and spouses which you consider to have the parenthood you always dreamed of.
It is in your best interest not to hold envy over these people or compare yourselves to them. Your day dream will only bring you down, increasing your resentment towards your reality.
Work with what the parents you do have and try every single day to make that turn around for a better promising future.