You failed me; you failed to protect what was yours.
I am yours and you failed to protect me.
No red flags were enough for you to notice just how distraught I was. I protected someone you brought into our world and I did this out of fear.
Fear that there would be another episode of anger, resentful behaviour, mental unstableness; coming from your significant other. You let it slide time and time again, making me loose hope.
Isolation at its highest degree became a comfort to me; I sure was good at it. So small, innocent and vulnerable was a moulded adult in a tiny body. The moulded adult you forced me become was the beginning of a heartfelt ache, a flood of loneliness and confusion.
An innocent being I was, old enough to feel pain, but too young to have a voice.
Who knew your repercussions would grant me a future that involved attraction to many other broken souls like you. Here I was, the perfect victim you made for anyone who had the credentials of an abuser.
Time and time again failing to recognise the difference between love and hate, I continued, looking up to you ‘my guardian’.
Sometimes, well I thought your significant other admired me and other times disliked me. What was it, where had I gone wrong, was I really bad blood so early on?
What a bad memory you became that you haunted me. Now I really do see it in your eyes: regret, fear, shame and apologetic motions in your movement. Did I say regret?
Acts of jealousy made it’s way into our lives; but I was the result of that unfortunate circumstance that reaped what you sowed.
Above all, my silence is what brought me the most pain. Even when this pain was physically evident, it was never enough for you to step in and have my back. I have noticed something; I noticed that nothing ever seems to move you when it comes to identifying what I deem as ‘past the limit’
It is a real shame ‘protector’ because no matter how much time goes by; I still cannot whole heartily say I trust that you have what it takes to protect me.
What a bad example, you take absolutely no ownership for your actions. An action in the shape of ‘not doing anything’ is still an action; so therefore it is the very action you failed to take.
You will never know the unknown, my make belief protector.
Behindtheopendoor 