10 Years Of Fear

Dear 10 years of fear, 

I am leaving you behind because this is the only thing you deserve.

You’ve been very lonely,

You’ve caused me pain,

You’ve caused me financial strain,

You’ve birthed insecurities,

You’ve caused me emotional strain,

You’ve been exhausting,

You’ve been traumatising,

You’ve been misleading,

You’ve awakened bodily issues,

You’ve caused me fear.

You have shown me things that are worth my subconscious and it’s safe to say it will compliment my future. Let’s conclude that you’ve enlightened me in ways beyond my imagination.

You taught me that it’s okay not to be liked:
This is sad but true. It really is not our responsibility to walk around with a sign attached to us that says ‘like me please’. Being a kind person does not guarantee likability unfortunately. Worrying about being liked is a complete robbery of the mind and I have leant to put my beautiful energy into activities that enlighten me and into people who do actually like me.

You’ve taught me acceptance
Acceptance plays a huge part in our lives. We must accept ourselves for who we are instead of looking to others to accept us first. Sometimes we don’t belong to a group of people and while this may be disheartening and bring loneliness, it is okay. You’ve taught me that looking for it in the wrong places does more harm than good. Acceptance is accountability for what we do and the results that come from it

You taught me about overcompensation:
Trying to get someone’s idea of attention will only bring it to their attention that they are the ones who hold all the power. Overcompensating especially with people brings confusion because we will never really know where we stand with them. We will forever be unsure of our position in their lives and they often rule our emotions. Being their shoulder to cry on, giving advice, not setting boundaries is exhausting ride and can overtake your life in a negative way. Thank you for encouraging me to take back my power.

You taught me that jealousy exists:
The experience of jealousy from others came in different forms amongst the souls of different people. It really was real and I fought it off not wanting to believe it. Whist looking deeper into the common issue, I tallied my owned materialist possessions; thinking maybe this could be the reason for the jealously I ‘well at least I thought it was’. As time matured I realised it was my presence, positive energy, perseverance resilience, tenacity, grace and gratitude which were all the non-tangible things which they loved to hate. These people will keep at it because it gives them a buzz and a sense of achievement, which they will never be rewarded for. You really have to turn a blind eye and keep living the life you deserve to have and that is a great one.

You taught me that people would hurt you:
People will intentionally hurt you. While they hurt you they will ignore you in the process, claiming to have no knowledge of what it is you have said they have done. They will throw things in your face and will remind you of the time you never had money or even that time you were weak. Your kindness will be used as your weakness because they are too bitter to accept your gesture. They will do you wrong and you eventually come to find that somehow you are the one apologising. They will continuously surprise you because they are so creative when it comes to hurting you. It is very tricky when it comes to avoiding hurt from them, as they continually catch you time and time again. You slowly grow resentful towards the word gullible because this is what you have become. There was light at the end of the tunnel as I grew to eliminate hurtful scenarios before they fully formed which became the greatest skill you embedded in me.

You taught me to have a vision:
Having a vision should not be harboured but embraced. Believing in what greatness is to come should be welcomed with open arms. I’ve learnt that my imagination is all I need to grasp that future I long for. Your dreams could be easily robbed from you because of what someone said, or when your so-called dream job is not delivering in the way you expected. It is our responsibility to keep our vision alive and relight it as soon as we feel our visionary light being dimmed. I now know everyday is a new chance to work towards everything we hoped for.

You’ve have shown me the motions
Things can go left real quickly. One minute life is all fine and your happy, the next minute things fall through or people fall out. Overfamiliarity has been the biggest learning curbs and this involved me giving too much so soon that it all blew over. One too many times the carbon copy of what seemed like someone with good intensions quickly ended up being the bearer of bad news. To overcome the motions, the tool of being analytical allowed me to quickly solve those red flags that came my way.

You taught me the importance of health:
Health really is wealth and your body is smarter than you. That raised frequency in the mind is immediately picked up when stress comes by to visit. What you put in your body is really what you get out. Hydration kept my mind fuelled and nutrition greatly complimented that natural energy I already held in my veins. Health and fitness are to be held on a pedestal because we have years to live with it and it is to be nurtured.

You taught me the power of tolerance:
Tolerance is not something that should be underestimated because some people have taken mine for granted. People will push you until you are smart enough to know the limits and push back. They know your story and also know or will naturally assume that you will recover from their inconsiderate actions, which they should indeed be held accountable for. I now know this is something I do not need to accept when it comes my way. I have learnt that giving and receiving small doses of tolerance, lead to a great path when building a healthy character.

You taught me about money:
Money matters. It is a tool that you need to be hands on with. It can be can make you very happy at times and can also result it in a pit of sadness. It can be here today and gone tomorrow. It is not to be worshiped but also not to be misused. It really does not grown on trees and you have to work hard for it. When you hang onto it, it can bring you freedom, impacting your decision-making in a flexible way. When you let it go freely, you can find yourself in situations that can hold you back, delaying your progression. Longevity and delayed gratification definitely wins with this tool.

You taught me on the importance feedback:
This good if you digest it in a non-harmful way. The most important thing to take on is that you cannot be what everyone wants you to be because everyone wants you to be something different. You have to be yourself. Being yourself is not a bad thing as long as you are your best self for you, living your best life.

You showed and taught me how to use my gift:
People gravitate towards me so much because my energy excites them and that’s why many people love me. My gift does not include sulking because this is robbing of my time and my greatness and it really is the easy way out. I am emotionally aware and most of all appreciate growth. I can read emotions, I can hear pain and recognise strong people from a mile off. I am tremendously intuitive and able to differentiate characters. These things have all made me the person I am this very day. I am enduring of what may break many and have a fuse that mimics the river Nile. Some of my gifts are so huge I need to guard them ever so closely. Some of these may be misinterpreted, as they may become a form of intimidation as opposed to admiration. I understand these are the terms and conditions of my gifts.

You taught me self-love:
I realised that some people actually did not deserve to have me in their lives. Self love meant focusing on my existence, who I was and what I meant to me. I now know that I love myself enough not to accept that misleading contract, or be convinced that I will not be a better version of the person I already am. Understanding self-love has saved me from broken people who have year in year out tried to define me without knowing themselves first. Self-love really does mean working with what you’ve got. The hair that grows out of my scalp, the colour of my skin, the story I have to tell. This is my definition of self-love.

You sure have saved me on many occasions.
My intuition has been my comfort, it has saved me many times than one and made me realise numerous things.

Having faith in God is ultimately important because he has never left my side

 Dear 10 years of fear, you’ve mentored me into a new found happiness I had all along. You taught me that I am one incredible being, hard to define and
powerful beyond measure!