You hear several times people say; she wasn’t like that when I met her; she didn’t nag me when I first met her. She’s gained so much weight since I met her.
Or even..
He used to call me all the time: he used to compliment me; I’ve called him three times and he’s ignoring me. He chooses he’s friends over me. Most of us can vow we have fallen in the divorce yourself scenario. Putting the other person first and making sure they’re okay, being there for them, never missing a call. In other words becoming their unofficial mother or father; filling a gap.
“Why must you go out with you’re friends for the 3rd night this week. I thought you loved me, how comes you don’t want to spend time with me”.
Let’s take this other person out your picture. Envision the picture you had before you met them. The picture that allowed you to notice your achievements, greatness and tenacity. The picture which had ambition painted in various pastel colours, so bright and promising. The picture of yourself which made you proud.
Do you remember you now?. That’s how it should be whilst you’re in a relationship. When did you become so reliant on them, when did they define you? Relationships don’t exist so you could ignore the person you are. The picture before them shows how things were, how you were. Them being added to the picture only means your pastel pallet comes out so you can draw them in.
(They’re an added bonus)
Your picture signifies your relationship with yourself; which must not be broken. In order to be happy with someone else you must first acknowledge your picture.
(This is your initial relationship with yourself)
You often hear people say, if only he or she did not come into my life…
“I could have been a property owner by now, I could have seen the world, I could have been a business owner, I could have fulfilled my dreams, I would have been well off by now”.
This might be a result of one candidate in the relationship who sold hopes and dreams to the other. Nevertheless we must have control over our thoughts, aims and aspirations putting our foot down with reasonable compromise. They say if you love someone you must set them free. This is where this applies.
If being with them means they allow you to forget your picture, who you are and your morals or have a negative impact on your goals; consider your next move.
Consider what is morally correct for you to regain sanity.
We can only be responsible for how long we allow our picture to become a non reversible oil stain or a long distant memory. We are the ones who decide who we partner with. There is only so much finger pointing we can do before we become our own exhaustion.
A relationship is a developed friendship of two individuals who each have there own picture they are willing to merge together to form a partnership.
People initially fall for the person you were, this may be in the dating stage or in your friendship . Do you remember her. You know the one who took pride in their health and appearance, the explorer, the decisive one. Do you remember him, the sensitive one, the non controlling one, the one who felt no guilt seeing their friends.
When you forget you, who you were in the initial dating stage, the happy you or your original good habits. Then over time as a result every conclusion involves holding someone else responsible; this is when you have divorced yourself.
Avoid relationships that allow you to divorce yourself!
Behindtheopendoor 