Dear Significant Others,
Often we believe the long length of time we’ve known someone is enough for us to be able to predict his or her next move and even more of a reason keep them in our lives.
When we meet new people we can put our guard up, we do not let them in so easily. As we expect nothing from them, it becomes almost impossible for them to let us down. We take less notice and acknowledgement of their actions or the things they say. Not knowing them enough to care about their antics, we are unable to really feel their wrong doings.
The people we let our guard down to, sufficient effort is made to really grasp onto their habits and characteristics that we eventually become familiar with. A level of trust is built and eventually in many ways we develop love for that person.
So, disappointments come in many ways and from people who may constantly reassure you of their strong abilities on how, they will not let you down. You may often hear them say things like:
“I will always be there for you,
I have you’re back,
I won’t let you down”
When we hear this repeatedly, the bar begins to lower and we become more vulnerable and less vigilant that theses things they say are only words.
Nevertheless there is always and most likely will be room for disappointment.
So fast-forward, now someone has let you down, someone you did not even expect it from and you question yourself on what you have done to deserve such a thing. You go over and over in your mind trying to recall what it may be and eventually you come to a standstill, as all you’ve ever given is kindness; a shoulder to lean on, been attentive and generous.
Then to find answers, we raise our concern to anyone who will listen to the dismay we have faced by people we expected so much from.
To then be advised not to put so much trust and hope in people because they are guaranteed to let us down now feels like dead end advice.
“But I have already put this to practice” you tell yourself and yes this may be true that you have done so.
But on the other hand if we don’t put our trust and hope into people we may develop hate, insecurity, selfishness and lose out on connecting with the people we care about the most.
You see, the people whom we expect disappointment from have already shown themselves up and we have already lost trust and hope in them. We’ve labeled this group of people and so we stay ready for whatever they will throw at us next. These culprits we keep at a distance and they will never let us down because we have already accepted them for whom they are.
Over the years, when someone let me down the first time, I took it on the chin and tried to see things from their prospective to avoid a selfish approach.
So given that you are upset with someone, the right thing to do is let them know in the most respectable way possible. After this method I tried and failed. I then had to come to a realisation that when someone disregards you’re feelings or has no courtesy to acknowledge or own up to his or her wrong doings and continues to let you down; to the point where you begin to make excuses for them, that is when this becomes an issue.
The interesting thing is, I tell myself I would not allow this to happen to me again or to let someone take advantage of me and to my surprise disappointment has had many creative ways of reoccurring and each time I had thought that very situation was the worst it could get.
Disappointment can be a fanatic expectation, painful, a slow burner, leave a non-visible scar or even a lesson learnt. It helps us to grow as people and develop unknown skills that we had no idea we had.
Besides the obvious faults of the person in question, sometimes we do have to look at ourselves. Maybe we are trying to fill a gap somewhere for something we may lack in one or some part of our lives. This could be the reason why we give so much to those who give us little or nothing.
We definitely have some control over this situation, which leads us to disappointment. We must overcome this, by being more realistic when it comes to our expectations from friends and family and remember we are all human so we will often fail others.
Many people have the ability to hurt you and believe it or not there is always a hidden message in which something can be learnt from this.
Just because your kind does not mean people are willing to be kind to you.
Believe in yourself and appreciate time as it can strengthen and develop you in many ways but one. Be cautious where you plant you’re trust. Show love to those who show you love and never sacrifice you’re happiness or morals for someone else’s inabilities or wrong doing. Know you’re worth by showing yourself appreciation and always remember to embrace disappointment as an opportunity self growth!